Research suggests that outrageously happy people have one great, big thing in common: healthy, fulfilling relationships. Relationships oxygenate our lives and yet, simultaneously, can take our breath away (not always in a good way)!

My husband, the finance guy, has a clever theory that every relationship has an emotional bank account. Much like managing our personal savings accounts, we manage our emotional bank accounts by making regular deposits, avoiding costly expenditures, and staying out of debt. Naturally, we feel our best when our emotional bank account is full. However, to become truly wealthy and fulfilled in life, we must also be willing to invest in the lives of others.

Investing can be a risky business. Any investor knows that the best strategy for building our bank balance is making regular, seemingly small, investments over time. It’s the little things- the small investments, such as simple kind gestures and acts of kindness, that compound on a daily basis. For this reason, over time, indifference and neglect do significant damage to a relationship. A smart investor knows that making impulsive financial decisions can be both reckless and foolish. It is often knee-jerk, impatient reactions and overcompensating behaviors that can cause massive fluctuations in our emotional account balances. Selfishness, dishonesty, disrespect, lack of support, and anger are extremely costly to our emotional bank accounts and quickly drain our funds. If left unchecked, our balance will go into the red, leaving the relationship in a vulnerable and fragile state.

Several years ago I received a book entitled, Love & Respect, as a wedding present. This book describes an interesting theory that human beings have “primary emotional needs.” Like we need air to breath, women need love and men need respect. In any relationship, if our primary emotional needs are not met, The Crazy Cycle begins- without love, she reacts disrespectfully, and without respect, he reacts unlovingly. Should the cycle continue, taking large sums out of our emotional bank account, eventually the relationship would lead us to declare bankruptcy.

Conversely, to restore and repair a low balance, we must break out of the crazy cycle and start making small investments. Healthy relationships are attended to and nurtured daily. These relationships make regular deposits into our emotional bank account, and are supportive, respectful, selfless, patient, and honest.

The quality of our relationships affects every other facet of our lives. Healthy relationships fuel our ambitions and empower us to reach our full potential. They are also a comfort to us in time of need, giving us a safe place to be our authentic selves

Like any investment, in a relationship there will be peaks and valleys. At times, relationships will have honeymoon periods, as well as periods of challenges and trials. However, if properly managed, the investment will trend upwards, resulting in a successful return.

Because it is Apple Season, apples get all the attention this time of year. Most people overlook the fact that it is also Pear Season! According to Chinese tradition, pears are symbolic of love and affection. However, the Chinese word for pear, “Li,” also mean separation. For good luck and longevity, lovers should never share a pear. This week’s recipe is a wonderful autumn meal, Autumn Pear Salad with Grilled Sirloin and Blue Cheese Crumbles. Don’t worry, love birds, you won’t want to share!